DearSugar -- Just ask. http://dearsugar.com/ Just ask. en Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad http://dearsugar.com/2473898 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-2473898"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/2473898',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-2473898');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/45_2008/491db3b780ffd5e0_blonde.xlarger.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image xlarger" width="266" height="400"></span>A good friend of mine recently broke up with her live-in boyfriend of three years. Though it was her decision to end things, it was still a difficult choice to make; she still really cares about him. All her friends have been there for her and she's done a great job moving on. In an effort to put the past behind her, she wanted to make a change, so she committed the cardinal breakup sin of changing her look. She'd always had long, dark, beautiful chestnut hair and without consulting any of us, she went to the salon, cut it short, and dyed it blond!</p> <p>She invited me over to come see her new locks and I was speechless — she looked like a completely different person! I could tell that she loved it and I could see a new sense of confidence in her face, but I absolutely hated it. In my opinion, she looked 10 times better before. When she asked my "honest opinion," I gave it to her. I told her it wasn't my favorite look on her. She got incredibly upset, told me I was an unsupportive friend, and asked me to leave her house. Now I'm feeling horrible for hurting my friend's feelings, but I didn't know what to do; she asked me to be honest! I've called her, written her emails, and sent text messages apologizing, but she won't return any of my efforts. I know I should have just lied under the circumstances, but can I be forgiven for speaking the truth?</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/2473898" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Sunday Confessional: I Told My Friend She Looked Bad</label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Not forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> Undecided</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="2473898" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/2473898#comment Breakup Friendship looks Lying Sunday Confessionals Truth Sun, 09 Nov 2008 09:00:00 -0800 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2473898 Do Tell: Do You Swear Off Men After Breakups? http://dearsugar.com/2469086 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/45_2008/cd7531eb15e4f4d2_simon-cowell.xlarge.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image xlarge" width="254" height="320"></span>If you didn't already hear, <a href="http://popsugar.com/2451849" >Simon Cowell and long-time girlfriend Teri Seymour have called it quits</a>, but according to <a href="http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20238032,00.html" target="_blank">People</a>, he's not looking for love again anytime soon. He claimed to have sworn off women and his statement got me thinking.</p> <p>We all handle breakups differently: some hibernate and regroup while others paint the town red or jump into another relationship. No one way is better than the other so tell me, do you tend to swear off men after a breakup like Simon is doing with women?</p> <p><a href=http://wireimage.com/>Source</a> </p> http://dearsugar.com/2469086#comment Breakup Celebrity Dating News to Me Relationships Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:30:00 -0800 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2469086 Halloween Theory: Ghosts, Goblins, and Breakups? http://dearsugar.com/2445269 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/44_2008/1b7aaf4d06b6280e_Halloween-Depressing.xlarge.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image xlarge" height="319" width="320"></span>A bunch of my girl friends have this theory about <a href="http://dearsugar.com/tag/halloween" >Halloween</a>. According to them, if you've been dating someone but aren't sure whether you want to be with them or even if it's going anywhere, then Halloween marks a pivotal time. You either have to cut it off right now or you'll be stuck with them through the entirety of Winter. Admittedly it's a generalization and more directed at people who haven't officially committed yet, but I do think there’s some truth to the idea that people like to avoid a breakup during the holidays. So let’s hear it ladies: Are my girlfriends crazy or does the idea of being trapped until after the New Year ring true to you too? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2445269#comment Breakup Dating halloween moving on Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2445269 You Asked: How Do I Get Over Our Breakup? http://dearsugar.com/2394758 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/43_2008/f85787281988392e_Woman-Wondering.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image xxlarge" height="453" width="300"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>Recently I read the post about <a href="http://dearsugar.com/2369789" >telling your ex what he did wrong</a>. My ex and I broke up a year ago. I have dated other people, but I am finding it very difficult to get over this relationship. This was the first time I really opened up my heart; I had seen a future with this person. We broke up with little closure on my end. He just shut me out of his life and ended our relationship. I feel like it's unfair that I did not have a say in our breakup. I never got the chance to voice my feelings and understand why things had to end. I thought that with time I would feel better and things would naturally resolve, but now that a significant amount of time has passed, I am losing hope. For obvious reasons, I cannot contact this person and get things off my chest. How can I find closure for myself?</p> <p>— Holding on Holly</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2394758">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2394758#comment Advice Breakup closure Ex You Asked Wed, 22 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2394758 You Asked: Can My Ex Forgive Me? http://dearsugar.com/2376904 <p>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My boyfriend and I dated for three years, and were fairly serious. We had a future mapped out and were practically planning our engagement. However, during those three years there were some major personality clashes I just couldn't ignore. For instance, anytime he pointed out one of my flaws, I'd apologize or try to work on it. Anytime I tried to point out something I didn't like or something that I thought he should work on, he'd say, "If you don't like it, you can leave."<span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/42_2008/a80edc1489deac1d_Woman-Concern.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image xlarge" height="308" width="305"></span></p> <p>I did finally break up with him, though we're still good friends. But there's one issue that lingered with me after ending things. About three or four times a year he'd get a random message from a girl on MySpace. He has the kind of job that allowed him to just sit there and email her all day. He even met one of the girls once; she came into his work unsolicited. (I explained to him that that's because she saw their frequent conversations as intimate.) And that's what he'd do at least six times an hour, for three or four months, until he got bored with them. He never understood why I was upset about that; it wasn't because he was talking to other girls or that he had "friends," it was the frequency. Every few minutes, every day, for two or three months at a time! </p> <p>The other day I went with him to celebrate his birthday. One the way home he was texting a girl, as usual. But this time I lost it. I told him that that's exactly why we could never work — he never cared about how I felt or even acknowledged my feelings. I know I broke up with him, and I'm happy with where things are. But even as friends, to see him pulling the same kind of stuff is just so frustrating, and I guess I hit my limit. My question is, do you think I can be forgiven for my behavior? I don't want to be his psycho ex. </p> <p>— Angry Ex Andrea</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2376904">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2376904#comment Advice Anger Breakup Ex Feelings You Asked Fri, 17 Oct 2008 12:20:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2376904 Where Do You Stand? Telling Your Ex What He Did Wrong http://dearsugar.com/2369789 <p>Even if ending a relationship is a relief, leaving a person or being left by someone can come with feelings of sadness and longing, which is probably why so many couples hook up after they’ve broken up. But there is a flipside to this: some people aren’t ready to let go of their bad feelings. </p> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/42_2008/Woman-Angry.jpg" alt="" title="" class="image xxlarge" height="332" width="500"></span></p> <p>A friend of mine, in post-breakup mode, says every day is a battle not to call her ex. But not because she misses him and wants to reconnect, but because she wants to finally let him have it. She’s angry and ready to tell him exactly why. I think her feelings are natural, and though I understand her desire, I don’t think it’s a good idea. But what do you think? Where do you stand when it comes to offering your ex some brutal honesty in an effort to make yourself feel better?</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2369789#comment Anger Breakup Ex Feelings sadness Where Do You Stand Thu, 16 Oct 2008 13:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2369789 Dear Poll: Have You Ever Been Heartbroken? http://dearsugar.com/2369327 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-2369327"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/2369327',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-2369327');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/42_2008/Broken-Heart.xlarge.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image xlarge" height="212" width="320"></span>If falling in love makes people deliriously happy, then getting your heart broken is emotionally shattering. And while there may be a lesson to be learned, truthfully I can’t really think of anything good about a broken heart. But alas, it is a part of life. So, have you ever had your heart broken? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/2369327" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Dear Poll: Have You Ever Been Heartbroken? </label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Yes. It was horrible, but I made it through.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Yeah, I’m trying to mend a broken heart right now.</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> No, I’ve had breakups, but never a broken heart. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="3" class="form-radio" /> Other — Please share</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="2369327" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/2369327#comment Breakup Dear Poll Heartbreak rejection sadness Thu, 16 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2369327 A Do or a Don't: Rebound Dating http://dearsugar.com/2365123 <p>I’ve often heard it said that the best way to get over someone is to start dating someone new. And while I’m certainly not against that notion, I do believe that some real alone time for reflection and recuperation can be a lot better than a rebound guy. Even if it’s no big deal to you, often the person you’re rebounding with can end up feeling hurt when you’ve fully bounced back and are ready for other things (or people). So have you ever rebounded? If so, is this how you get over your breakups?</p> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/42_2008/Rebound-Date.jpg" alt="" title="" class="image xxlarge" height="333" width="500"></span></p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2365123#comment A Do or a Don't Breakup Dating Rebound relationships Wed, 15 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2365123 True Confession — I Still Love Him http://dearsugar.com/2366010 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-2366010"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/2366010',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-2366010');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/42_2008/true_confession.xxlarge.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image xxlarge" width="335" height="500"></span><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl0/0/3362/10_2008/confess.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image right preview" height="45"></span>Weigh in and tell us if you forgive or not forgive this <a href="http://www.truemomconfessions.com/" target="_blank">True Confession</a>.</p> <p>You dumped me, then two weeks later you turn up on my doorstep and tell me you love me, that I'm the best thing that ever happened to you, and that you've never felt like this before. A week later you call to tell me it's over and you made a mistake. You're either a liar or a coward, but whatever it is, I still love you and would get back together in a heartbeat.</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a> <br clear=all></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/2366010" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>True Confession — I Still Love Him</label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Not forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> Undecided</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="2366010" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/2366010#comment Breakup Love Relationships true confession Wed, 15 Oct 2008 09:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2366010 Do Tell: Have You Ever Lost an Animal in a Breakup? http://dearsugar.com/2271832 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/41_2008/dog.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="300" height="411"></span>There's nothing easy about a breakup, but when you own an animal together, things get even more complicated. The way one loves an animal is like nothing else — your pet is your most loyal friend, the one that brings you instant happiness, and your favorite cuddle buddy — so if your partner feels the same way about your four-legged friend, who gets custody? Of course sharing it is always an option, but the constant communication makes moving on that much harder, which is why one person usually ends up saying goodbye to their pet post-split. I've never owned an animal with anyone before, but what about you? Do tell, have you ever lost an animal in a breakup? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2271832#comment Breakup Friendship Loss Pet Tue, 07 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2271832 You Asked: We Broke Up, Now Things Are Better Than Ever http://dearsugar.com/2184064 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/40_2008/Couple-Quality-Time.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="371" width="300"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>My old boyfriend from five years ago and I began speaking again a year ago, after both of us got out of really unhealthy relationships. At the time he was living across the country, but we developed a relationship and he decided to move back. At first our relationship was a dream. He was considerate, caring, sensitive, and treated me very well. Soon after he moved back, he also started working long hours while attending school, and our relationship became strained. He's always had a bad temper, but I began seeing more of it. We would rarely have sex, and he would often seem distant. Although he was apologetic when it was brought up, he would never really change his behavior.</p> <p>Last week, after one particularly bad weekend, I felt I had no other choice but to end the relationship. The next day we talked and both agreed that it just wasn't working. He apologized sincerely for the way he had been treating me and described just how tired and stressed he's been. The night we had this talk was honestly one of the most special nights we have ever had, even though we were ending things. We made love and it was better then it had ever been before. He's called me every day since and it seems like he's turned back into the guy I used to know. </p> <p>I only broke up because I felt I had no choice due to the way I was being treated, but now that things are so good, I want to get back together. Are we building our relationship again? And if so, should I demand to know where he stands? Or is that jumping the gun?</p> <p>— Together or Not Taylor</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2184064">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2184064#comment Advice Breakup Getting Back Together Relationship Issues You Asked Mon, 06 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2184064 You Asked: How Long Should I Wait for Him? http://dearsugar.com/2120631 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/40_2008/Waiting-for-HIm.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="451" width="300"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>I wasn't looking for love, but it found me, and I've now been dating my boyfriend for five months. We've been so happy and spend every moment together, but out of the blue, he asked me for some time to think — he doesn't even want us to see each other. I asked him if he wanted to break up or see other people, and he said no. He thinks that because of how much we talk and how far we've come in just five months that I am somehow too dependent on him. What does this mean? How much time should I give him before I move on?</p> <p>— When to Pull the Plug Pauline</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2120631">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2120631#comment Advice Boyfriend Problems Breakup commitment Relationship Issues You Asked Wed, 01 Oct 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2120631 You Asked: I Was Dumped Over Email! http://dearsugar.com/2133895 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/40_2008/computer.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="275" height="370"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>I am a 25-year-old professional. Yesterday, the 27-year-old man I had been dating dumped me in a four-sentence email. Two days prior, I met his sister and brother-in-law for the first time and we shared a wonderful dinner with all of their friends. His reason for ending the relationship? My personality was too similar to his sister's and it made him feel "strange." He said that while she is (and I am) a good person, it wasn't what he was looking for. He refuses to discuss this in person and I am having a tough time as a result. I need a better understanding of why he would choose to break up with me by email, and why for those reasons? It just doesn't make sense to me. — Need More of a Reason Rachel</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2133895">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2133895#comment Advice Breakup closure Relationships You Asked Wed, 01 Oct 2008 07:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2133895 Have You Ever Eased Out of a Relationship? http://dearsugar.com/2131947 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/40_2008/SA.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="300" height="240"></span>Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel dated for five years so there's no doubt in my mind that their breakup has been extremely tough on both of them. Although their reps say that they remain good friends, they were caught <a href="http://popsugar.com/2129829" >holding hands</a> over the weekend. But since they were not only lovers, but also each other's best friend, I can only imagine how hard it must be to suddenly have that person out of your life. It makes it perfectly reasonable that they would want to spend time together post-breakup. They are denying a reconciliation but it's pretty obvious that they aren't ready to completely let go of one another. So have you ever eased out of a relationship like this? Have you ever desired to spend time with your ex simply out of comfort or familiarity? </p> <p><a href=http://wireimage.com/>Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2131947#comment Breakup Celebrity Jimmy Kimmel Sarah Silverman Tue, 30 Sep 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2131947 Sunday Confessional: I Led Him On http://dearsugar.com/2091443 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-2091443"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/2091443',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-2091443');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/39_2008/dv1642009.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="373" width="300"></span>For as long as I can remember, I've had the horrible tendency to pursue a guy until he's totally into me, and then dump him right as things start to heat up. There's just something about a crush being interested in me that suddenly makes me totally uninterested in him. In many ways I think I just like the thrill of the chase. Now I'm heading into my late-20s, and struggling with the same habit. I've tried to work on it but I just can't force my feelings.</p> <p>Recently I met a truly wonderful guy. We started dating and hit it off immediately. In fact, things were going so well that I thought I might be finally getting over my issue. Over the months we were dating, I learned that he was dealing with the recent loss of his mother. I was shocked that talking about something so serious brought us closer together instead of sending me out the door. Well a few weekends ago, we went out, I drank way too much, and ended up very sick. He took care of me, brought me home, and stayed the night with me to make sure I was OK. As soon as I woke up the next morning, I immediately sensed something had changed in me; I was over it. </p> <p>That night we had plans to hang out but I never called him back. The next day he called to see what happened and again, I didn't call him back. I ended up breaking up with him via voicemail. He called one last time to ask what he had done wrong, and to try to talk things over with me, but I ignored him. In the past, breaking up always felt like a relief, but this time I felt terrible. I realized I'm actually feeling a loss. Now I want to work things out with him, but I heard through a mutual friend that he's totally disgusted by my behavior. Do you think there's any way for him to forgive me?</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/2091443" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Sunday Confessional: I Led Him On</label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> Forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> Not forgive?</label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> Undecided — Please share. </label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="2091443" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/2091443#comment Breakup Dating Issues Sunday Confessional Sun, 28 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2091443 You Asked: What Does He Mean by "Break"? http://dearsugar.com/2078787 <p>Dear Sugar,</p> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/39_2008/200245757-001.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="417" width="315"></span>My boyfriend and I have been together for five and half years. We've dated since high school and throughout college, but have also had some rough periods. This Summer he got accepted into a four-year pharmacy program in another city. Before he left, he dropped a bomb on me: He wanted to breakup. I was heartbroken but we talked before his move and he told me he always saw his future with me but wasn't sure if his feelings were strong enough presently to do long distance for the next eight months. </p> <p>We decided to keep things open, but he's created an entirely new life and even though we talk every day, he says he feels single and he likes it. Still, he maintains that he wants to be with me <i>eventually</i>. His proposed solution was that we take a "break" until Christmas, when he will be home next, in hopes that he will realize that he wants to be with me 100 percent. He said that it would mean we would talk less and be able to see other people, which he said he had no intentions of doing. </p> <p>I agreed on this break hoping that it would bring us together in the end. We decided to write a list of guidelines during this period in order to make the break work. When I mentioned to him one guideline I had — no fooling around with other people (going on dates was acceptable) — he became hesitant. I don't think that messing around with other people will solve our issues. So all this leads me to wonder exactly what he means by "break." Does he want to be single for now but knows that he will have me in the end? My definition of a break was to reassess our relationship and figure out if we want to be together in the future. I don't want to end up getting hurt in the end. Please help!</p> <p>— Uncertain Ciara</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2078787">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2078787#comment Advice Boyfriend Problems Breakup Relationships Taking a Break You Asked Thu, 25 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2078787 You Asked: Does Love Fade? http://dearsugar.com/2070905 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/39_2008/73106223.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="428" width="285"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>I've been with my boyfriend for just over four years. Those four years have been both turbulent and amazing, and also the best four years of my life. We've been through a lot together including his travel-oriented career, family drama, a few dramatic breakups, and me going to school 1,500 miles away. Somehow our love and our relationship has survived all that. </p> <p>Currently I'm visiting him at his training site for his new job. He's at the site for two months, meaning that if I didn't visit, I wouldn't see him until Christmas. But the problem is, I don't know if I love him anymore. I'm here for a few more days and then I won't see him until December, or possibly Thanksgiving. Should I tell him now, leave early, and risk being wrong about my feelings? Or should I stay, not being sure? He's here for another three weeks after I leave, and I can't stand him being lonely and sad throughout that time; he has nobody here. How do I know if my love has faded?</p> <p>— Lost Love Laney</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2070905">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2070905#comment Advice Breakup Loss Love Relationships You Asked Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2070905 You Asked: He's Sending Mixed Signals http://dearsugar.com/2033227 <p>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me about a month ago. Before the breakup things were great; we were having a wonderful Summer. We talked of being together forever and we were so in love, but he had other things going on in his life. He didn't get into the school he wanted and is now taking a year off to work. It's a hard issue for him; I think he feels like a failure. But when he's home, all he does is play video games and he only works three days a week. <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/38_2008/200223086-001.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="230" width="350"></span></p> <p>I do love him and he's very important to me, but it seems like he ended things just so he could avoid commitment. He said he doesn't love me the same way anymore but wants to remain friends, although his behavior has shown nothing like that. Recently I decided to stop contact with him, and I noticed that his phone calls started coming in more frequently. When we do see each other, which is rare, he tries to flirt with me. I'm sick of him calling me all the time and acting as if we're together when we're not. I've tried to talk to him and set boundaries, but so far all he's done is try to surpass them. My question is what else can I do to get the point across? How can I help him realize that he needs to be more responsible? How can I communicate these things and ultimately help him find his way? </p> <p>— Over It Ilea</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2033227">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2033227#comment Advice Boyfriend Problems Breakup frustration mixed signals You Asked Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2033227 Dear Poll: Who Did the Breaking Up in Your Last Relationship? http://dearsugar.com/2032724 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-2032724"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/2032724',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-2032724');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/38_2008/breakup.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="313" height="313"></span>There's been much debate as to <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1672981" >what's harder:</a> being broken up with or doing the actual breaking up yourself. And while neither position is pleasant, chances are we've all experienced both scenarios. Regardless of which is worse, tell me, who initiated the split in your last breakup?</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> <p><br clear=all></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/2032724" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>Dear Poll: Who Did the Breaking Up in Your Last Relationship? </label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> I did. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> He did. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="2" class="form-radio" /> It was mutual. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="3" class="form-radio" /> Other — please share.</label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="2032724" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/2032724#comment Breakup Dear Poll Relationships Thu, 18 Sep 2008 09:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2032724 Handle This: Your Ex Wants You Back http://dearsugar.com/2028523 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/38_2008/56677972.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="320" width="320"></span>When things ended with your ex a few months back, you were devastated. He was the one who wanted to break up because he said he was feeling uncertain about the future. Prior to his confession, things had been great, and you thought you might end up with him in the long run. </p> <p>You’ve done some healing and finally started putting yourself out there again, only to get a phone call from your ex. He wants to take you on a date and see if you can rebuild the relationship. You love him, but he broke your heart, so how do <i>you</i> handle this? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2028523#comment Breakup Ex Getting Back Together Handle This Wed, 17 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2028523 You Asked: Should I Ask For Closure? http://dearsugar.com/2020472 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/38_2008/clousure.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="354" height="482"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>I met the "perfect" guy for me about four months ago. We had great chemistry, similar worldviews, and we always got along great. He made me feel like the center of his universe when we were together and I trusted him completely. About three months in, what was supposed to be a Summer fling ended up getting extended because my moving plans changed. Around that time he started doing the ever-so-transparent freeze-out: our regular dates, phone calls, and texts dried up to once a week at most. I confronted him as to whether or not he was seeing anyone else or if he wanted to discontinue our relationship, and he assured me that he wasn't seeing anyone and that he was still very into me. I believe that he isn't seeing anyone else, but it seems crystal clear that he just isn't that into me anymore.</p> <p>My better judgment tells me that I should let it go — I've already started talking to other guys and getting back out there. But my petulant side thinks that I deserve some sort of closure. I think our time together was worthy of some formal/official "farewell" rather than him disappearing and hoping I wouldn't notice. It hurts because we were honest and upfront from the beginning, and now I'm having a hard time remembering our good times fondly because of the way that things are ending. Should I just get over it and not drag it out, or can I pursue some form of closure so I can properly move on? — In Limbo Lanna</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/2020472">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/2020472#comment Advice Breakup passive-aggressive Relationships You Asked Tue, 16 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/2020472 The How-To Lounge: Time Apart Without Taking a Break http://dearsugar.com/1981318 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/37_2008/dv267035e.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="293" width="350"></span>The notion of <a href="http://dearsugar.com/204224" >taking a break</a> in a relationship is one many people ascribe to and one I’ve even recommended before, but it does seem that more often than not, taking a break is simply a step away from breaking up. When it comes down to it, a break may offer clarity, but it doesn’t actually solve any problems — only communication and compromise can do that — which is why I wanted to share some ideas for taking a break that doesn’t require any official breaks at all. To see my ideas, just </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1981318">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1981318#comment Breakup Relationship Issues Taking a Break The How-To Lounge Fri, 12 Sep 2008 14:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1981318 You Asked: I Don't Know What to Believe http://dearsugar.com/1971175 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/37_2008/angry.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="313" height="313"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My boyfriend of five months just told me that he has chlamydia. He swears he hasn't cheated on me, but after researching STIs, I found out that symptoms usually surface within a week or two. I talked to a doctor and was told that while it's possible for symptoms to show up months after being infected, they usually show up within seven to 21 days. We are together all the time, so his response to my accusations was, "When would I have had time to cheat on you?" As it turns out, he was out of town about a week and a half ago, visiting some college friends, which makes perfect sense time-wise. I am in love with him and things have been going really well so I don't want to mess things up by being jealous or paranoid; however, I won't tolerate cheating and/or lying — I just want to know the truth. What should I do (besides getting treated for chlamydia!)? — Skeptical Sasha</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1971175">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1971175#comment Advice Breakup cheating Chlamydia gyno Relationships Sex STIs Trust You Asked Fri, 12 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1971175 You Asked: I Don't Want to Ruin My Parents' Friendship http://dearsugar.com/1969572 <p>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>I have been really close with one of my friends since we were about six years old because our parents are childhood friends, too. About five years ago I hooked her up with my best male friend, and they really hit it off. I also started dating someone and we all became a group of friends; we used to double date and do everything together. </p> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/37_2008/skd254449sdc.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="312" width="312"></span>About a year and a half ago they broke up — he dumped her. It was a really nasty split, and she was left deeply hurt. Of course, me and my boyfriend were there for her and tried to make her feel better. At one point she got really mad at us because we were hanging out with him too. We tried to explain to her that we didn't want to take sides, but she didn't seem to care. She decided to stop talking to us. At the beginning of this year my significant other and I broke up, too, and a month later in a drunken stupor, I ended up having sex with my friend's ex (my closest male friend). </p> <p>It's been six months since that night and it actually developed into a beautiful relationship. But sometimes it's hard because in public places or in front of common friends, we have to pretend that we`re just good buddies; we can't let my ex or friend find out. Honestly, I don't really care about what they think but I'm afraid that her parents would get mad at my parents for what I've done. I really don't want to ruin my parents' friendship if this gets out. What can I do? We're sick of hiding it. </p> <p>— Hiding Hannah</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1969572">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1969572#comment Advice Breakup Family Friendship Parents Relationship Issues Relationships You Asked Thu, 11 Sep 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1969572 Do You Face Your Pain Head On? http://dearsugar.com/1964474 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/37_2008/ActressLi_Dimit_55616406_60.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="300" height="451"></span>In the October issue of the UK's <b>Harper's Bazaar</b>, Liv Tyler opens up about her breakup with Royston Langdon. Her extremely candid interview shows the grieving side of Liv as she admits to struggling through the pain and loss of her five-year marriage. As we all know, breakups can be devastating, but Liv is being brave and facing her reality head on: "I am trying to just let myself feel it. I think you have to mourn and you have to feel that pain." </p> <p>Although it's much easier to run from your problems, it won't make them go away so I applaud her for taking the high, yet heartbreaking road to her healing process. How do you typically deal with heartache? Are you of the same mind-set as Liv or do you avoid your problems at all costs in hopes that they'll just fade with time? </p> <p><a href="http://wireimage.com/" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1964474#comment Breakup Celebrity Heartbreak liv tyler pain Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1964474 You Asked: I'm Ready to Break Up http://dearsugar.com/1952811 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/37_2008/you-asked1_0.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="313" height="313"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>I'm tired of trying to make things work with my boyfriend of five years. He's constantly bashing people's efforts, problems, and ways. He always has some negative comment about something. When he isn't doing that, he's either sleeping or making excuses to justify his actions. He blames everything on someone or something going on in his life. If I try to say something to encourage him in a positive direction, he comes back at me with some type of insult. In my opinion, he is a walking contradiction and a hypocrite. He's older than I am, which makes it even worse that I have to tell a grown man how to think and act like an adult. He lives with me but does nothing to help out. I love him, but I've reached my limit — I know I deserve better than this. His negativity is weighing on me, so what should I do? — I'm Done Donna</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1952811">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1952811#comment Advice Breakup Living Together Relationships You Asked Wed, 10 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1952811 You Asked: Why Do I Feel So Terrible? http://dearsugar.com/1950686 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/37_2008/you-asked1.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="295" height="443"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>After seven years of dating my boyfriend, I broke up with him. I had known in my heart for a while that I couldn't marry him and I had been very unhappy for a long time. Among many other problems, I felt that he wasn't attentive enough. He tried in his way, but I was left lonely and miserable. My friends and family, seeing my loneliness, constantly told me I could do better and were probably tired of my complaining (I know I was).</p> <p>Our main contact was daily phone calls. He was one of the first people I called when anything happened. We talked when we were bored and just to hear the other's voice, but toward the end, I avoided him at all costs. So my question is this: Why do I feel so awful? I was fine immediately after the breakup — I knew I had to do it — but now I'm a wreck. I have been crying for days now. I feel terrible about breaking his heart and about my <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1933143" >passive-aggressive</a> treatment toward him for the last six months. I guess it comes down to the fact that we were best friends but terrible lovers, but I still can't help feeling a loss. Any suggestions? — Dumped Him Heidi</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1950686">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1950686#comment Advice Breakup Friends Relationships You Asked Tue, 09 Sep 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1950686 Do Tell: Have You Ever Had to Pick Sides in a Friend Breakup? http://dearsugar.com/1892803 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/35_2008/friends.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="358" height="477"></span>This scenario is ever present on TV, (LC, Lo, and Audrina for instance) but having to pick sides between friends is not a far stretch from reality. It's inevitable that friends fight, they may even have to <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1500562" >break up</a>, but when you're an innocent bystander, you often times suffer as well. If you've ever been in this situation, you know how it feels to be pulled in different directions and how difficult it can be to remain neutral. And unfortunately, in extreme cases, you're almost forced to pick sides. It seems perfectly normal to choose a side after a romantic breakup, but it seems like a lose-lose when it comes to friendships. So have you ever had to choose one friend over another? If so, tell us how you coped. </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1892803#comment arguments Breakup Do Tell fighting Friendship Fri, 29 Aug 2008 07:30:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1892803 You Asked: He Broke Off Our Engagement http://dearsugar.com/1892753 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/35_2008/engage_0.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="312" height="315"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years and our relationship took off quickly. I am not a materialistic person, but he goes out of his way to pamper me and buy me things — I think he thinks it's what makes me happy. I've told him that all I need is his love, but he still continues to shower me with gifts. We have wonderful times together, we share the same sense of humor and I love him, but sometimes I feel like we aren't on the same page. Despite all that, we got engaged on our one year anniversary. </p> <p>On my birthday, we had a little argument and completely out of the blue, he decided it wasn't going to work out with us, just two days before he made <i>me</i> promise to never leave <i>him.</i> I feel things really changed for us when we became engaged — his idea not mine — and he says he needs some time because he doesn't know how he feels. What am I supposed to do? I love him and I miss what I thought we had. Any suggestions? Taken Aback Tanya</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1892753">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1892753#comment Breakup engaged Insecure Love material things Money Relationships You Asked Fri, 29 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1892753 You Asked: Should I Forgive My Ex? http://dearsugar.com/1891100 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/35_2008/stk130251rke.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="330" width="330"></span>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>I am a man looking for the advice of women since my male friends aren't sensitive enough to comprehend what I'm going through. I had been going out with this girl on and off for four and a half years. I truly loved her and she was my best friend. We were happy and we shared some of the best times of our lives. But a few months back, while I was on and she was off, she stopped talking to me all together. I tried desperately to get a hold of her but she never called or emailed me back. </p> <p>Finally she came around again and asked for some space. At first, I refused because I was scared of losing her again but I eventually respected her wishes and let her be on her own but we never called it quits officially; the relationship was simply put on hold. Not long after, I discovered that she had been seeing this other guy during her "time alone." When I confronted her about this, she said she only wanted to be my friend and lied about her new guy so that I would stay friends with her. Feeling betrayed and led on, I told her that she was out of my life for good and that I could never be friends with someone who would break my heart so easily. </p> <p>Two weeks later I'm still in agony over losing a girl I considered to be my soul mate. I need help deciding whether or not I should try to forgive her and talk things through with her. Could we ever be friends again (maybe more)? Or should I wipe the slate clean and forget about her completely?</p> <p>— Broken-Hearted Brandon</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1891100">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1891100#comment Advice Breakup Ex-Girlfriend forgiveness Friends You Asked Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1891100 You Asked: Who Should I Be With? http://dearsugar.com/1891160 <p>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>I dated this guy several years ago. We always had amazing chemistry. We've known each other for almost 15 years, but he wasn't mature enough to handle a monogamous relationship when we dated, and he cheated repeatedly until we finally split up. After the breakup, I began seeing another man who, on paper, is a perfect catch — intelligent, sweet and funny — but we never quite clicked, and he never made me feel like my ex did. Regardless, we ended up getting married several years ago, but my ex has always been in my heart. He got married as well (to the woman he cheated with), but it didn't last and they are now divorced. <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/35_2008/affair.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="350"></span></p> <p>After his marriage ended, he walked back into my life. My husband and I had been having some problems for about two years, and when we saw each other again, we immediately clicked. I felt like I hadn't felt in years — I found my passion again, I found my drive, and I was happy. He admitted how much he missed me and how he had always loved me. As wrong as it is, I felt giddy again, and we've been having an affair for the last three years.</p> <p>Yesterday, he told me that he can no longer do this, and I'm devastated. Apparently he's having thoughts of other women and is scared that if he can cheat with a married woman, he will cheat on me again. I don't know what to do, what direction to go, or which way to turn. Please point me in the right direction. — In Turmoil Izzy</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1891160">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1891160#comment Advice Breakup cheating Infidelity Jealousy Marriage Relationships You Asked Tue, 26 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1891160 You Asked: Should I Wait For Him? http://dearsugar.com/1878362 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/34_2008/200225020-001.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="230" width="350"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>My boyfriend of a year and a half — I'm 23, and he's 21 — told me that he wants to break up because he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. But he also says that he wants to be good friends. We met at work, so we see each other all the time. He calls me every day and invites me to hang out with him. He told me that we might get back together, but for now he just wants to have fun and not handle the responsibilities of a relationship. He claims he's not completely over me, but I just can't read his signals. I want to wait for him, but I'm scared that I might end up waiting forever. Do you think he's over me? Should I wait for him? </p> <p>— Longing Lacey</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1878362">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1878362#comment Advice Breakup Feelings moving on Relationships Work You Asked Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1878362 Should Getting Back Together Be a Tough Decision? http://dearsugar.com/1879834 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/34_2008/RachelMcA_Gregg_12418173_600.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="300"></span>There have been some Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams <a href="http://popsugar.com/1829741" >sightings</a> lately and the rumor mill is working overtime to figure out if they are back together or not, but you might be glad to know that the rumors are true — <a href="http://popsugar.com/1880097" > they are back on!!</a> They seem to be the Hollywood couple everyone was rooting for, but what took them so long to reignite their flame? In my opinion, following your heart shouldn't be that difficult — you either know or you don't, right? Have you ever had to give getting back together with an old love such thought? Do you think it's a bad sign if you do? </p> <p><a href="http://wireimage.com/" target="_blank">Source</a> </p> http://dearsugar.com/1879834#comment Breakup Celebrity Getting Back Together Love Rachel McAdams Relationships ryan gosling Wed, 20 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1879834 Do Tell: How Do You Know When It's Time to Call It Quits? http://dearsugar.com/1875349 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/34_2008/stk16687cli.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="325" width="325"></span>It can be a difficult realization, but at some point we all learn that every relationship is not meant to be. Sometimes because your feelings are still strong or because you’ve invested so much time and energy into the relationship, it can be very difficult to know when it’s time to end things. I have some friends who have mastered the art of knowing when a relationship has run its course, but many others seem to cling on to a sinking ship until the bitter end. So let me ask you, how do <i>you</i> know when it’s time to walk away? Or do you? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1875349#comment Breakup Do Tell hindsight Relationships Tue, 19 Aug 2008 13:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1875349 Good Idea or Bad Idea: Cutting Your Hair After a Breakup http://dearsugar.com/1874810 <p>If you've ever gone through a bad breakup, and I'm sure most of you have, then you know change is sometimes the best cure. Since packing your bags and running away from your problems isn't always possible or practical, a quick fix will usually do the trick. And a change that isn't too brash but will make a difference is, of course, getting a haircut! According to <a href="http://www.glamour.com/" target="_blank">Glamour</a> magazine, 31 percent of women polled admitted to chopping their hair after a breakup. While I've definitely had the urge to do so myself, luckily my hairdresser has always talked me down off the ledge. Sure, cutting your hair is a great way to let go of the past, and a great way to feel light and refreshed, but tell me, do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea to make a drastic change to your appearance when you're in such a fragile state?<br /> <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/34_2008/haircut.jpg" alt="" title="" class="outline image preview" width="507" height="337"></span></p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1874810#comment Breakup change good idea or bad idea hair cut Relationships Tue, 19 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1874810 Did John Mayer Do the Right Thing? http://dearsugar.com/1874709 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/34_2008/mayer.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="213" height="400"></span>Over the weekend, <a href="http://popsugar.com/1873011" >John Mayer tried to clear the air</a> and squash the never ending rumors surrounding his breakup with Jennifer Aniston. Of course, we've heard every reason in the book for why they split, but according to Mayer himself, "There's no lying, there's no cheating. There's no nothing..." In an effort to stand up for her, in my opinion, he also gave her a backhanded compliment when saying, "But it's about time that somebody stands up for that girl and I think she's great." </p> <p>It's no secret that Jen hasn't been lucky in love these days, and though it was a sweet gesture to defend his ex, do you think John said too much? It sounded like a big pity party to me, but what do you think? If you were in her shoes, would you be thankful or angry by his message to the fans? </p> <p><a href="http://infdaily.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1874709#comment Breakup Celebrity Jennifer Aniston John Mayer Relationships Mon, 18 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1874709 Have You Ever Gotten Even? http://dearsugar.com/1867121 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/33_2008/NikkiSixx_SGran_245957_600.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="280"></span>We all know that breakups are tough, but the things people do after a split sometimes blow my mind! When a couple goes their separate ways, reminders of their past relationship can sting. Donna D'Errico, the now ex-wife of Motley Crue's bassist Nikki Sixx, is selling things that belonged to her former flame — everything ranging from Christmas ornaments to jewelry — on eBay. While a portion of the sales will go to a good cause, (Donna's Corner, a charity she started to help women get through divorce) I happen to think it's a great way to get a clean slate, even a great way to get even!</p> <p>Since we've all been through a breakup or two, tell me, have you ever gone to extremes to get even with your ex? </p> <p><a href="http://wireimage.com/" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1867121#comment Breakup Celebrity Donna D'Errico getting even News to Me Nikki Sixx Relationships Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1867121 You Asked: Should I Let This Sleeping Dog Lie? http://dearsugar.com/1864818 <p>Dear Sugar,<br /> I have been with my boyfriend a little over two years. On Feb. 14 of this year, we got engaged. Prior to the engagement, we discussed having another child — we each came into the relationship with one. He gave into my desires and said we could try at some point. After our engagement, we weren't trying, but weren't <i>not trying</i> and I got pregnant, quickly. He freaked and said some horrible things. He tried to force an abortion on me and got mad when I refused. He then went back and forth saying he would be there for us, but then told me it was over.<br /> <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/33_2008/sad.jpg" alt="" title="" class=" center outline image preview" width="450"></span></p> <p>We haven't seen each other in over a month and we rarely talk, but when we do, he's cold and heartless, insisting he wants nothing to do with the baby. He says that we would have "been fine" had I not "gone against his wishes and gotten pregnant." My question to you is, should I just let this sleeping dog lie and let him sign away his paternal rights when the baby is born (as he wishes), or should I try to pursue this relationship? — At a Loss Annabelle </p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1864818">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1864818#comment Abortion Advice Baby Breakup pregnant Relationships You Asked Thu, 14 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1864818 You Asked: Are We Ready For the Next Step? http://dearsugar.com/1862226 <p>Dear Sugar,</p> <p>My boyfriend of almost seven years and I took a break back in March of this year, but got back together two months ago. While it has not been difficult to remember what I love about him and how he makes me feel, it has been very hard coping with his friendship with a girl he developed a crush on not too long before we broke up. While he has since lost romantic interest in her, they remain good friends (though not as close as they were while he and I were apart). My problem is that I can't seem to get over the fact that she reminds me of the heartache I went through when he and I broke up, and that no matter how much I feel I should get to know her for his sake, there's a huge part of me that wishes I didn't have to; wishes she would just disappear. He told me he would stop talking with her because he loves me and is willing to do whatever it takes to make things work, but I don't want him to stop being friends with someone he cares for — I don't want him to resent me.<br /> <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/33_2008/thoughtful.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="400"></span><br /> The bigger issue here is that he has asked me to move in with him and I have been greatly considering it, but I don't know if it's a good idea just yet. After talking with my older sister and doing some real soul-searching, I believe it's best for he and I to fully reconnect first (which we've done a great deal of in these last two months) and for me to feel more comfortable with his friendship with the girl before I really consider moving in with him. But how do I get to know her as an individual instead of as the girl who could have ruined my relationship with my boyfriend for good? — Stand My Ground Gina</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1862226">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1862226#comment Advice Breakup cohabitate Friendship Living Together Relationships You Asked Wed, 13 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1862226 Do Tell: What's Your Uplifting Fix? http://dearsugar.com/1859506 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/33_2008/mood.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="313" height="313"></span>Sometimes when you're feeling blue — you got demoted or broke up with your boyfriend — the smallest thing can pep you up, just like that. For some it's ordering your favorite comfort food, for others it's splurging on that top you had your eye on but couldn't justify buying, and for still others, it's as simple as calling up your best friend for a good old fashioned vent session. Treating yourself always makes you feel better, and while I'm not an advocate of giving into your vices every time the going gets tough, I admit I like to do a little of all three when I've had a bad day! So what about you? Do tell, what's your instant upper when you're feeling down?</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a> </p> http://dearsugar.com/1859506#comment bad day blues Breakup Do Tell Relationships sad Shopping the blues Tue, 12 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1859506 You Asked: Should I Give Him Space? http://dearsugar.com/1848000 <p>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>I have been with my boyfriend for three years and he recently told me that he needs some space. He said that we should be "friends" for right now until he gets himself together. He has been through a lot, and seems to push everyone away. What should I do? Should I give him space, or just put this relationship to bed? I love him and don't want to lose him, but the fact that he's pushing me away instead of coming to me for support makes me think he's not on the same page. — Helpless Helena </p> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/32_2008/alone.jpg" alt="" title="" class="outline image preview" width="474" height="361"></span></p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1848000">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1848000#comment Advice Breakup Friendship heart to heart Relationships Taking a Break You Asked Fri, 08 Aug 2008 06:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1848000 Good Idea or Bad Idea: Working With Family http://dearsugar.com/1850258 <p>Since we all spend more time with our co-workers than our loved ones, it makes sense that some of you have a desire to <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1808089" >work with your significant other</a>, but what about working with a family member? In Hollywood, parents oftentimes double as their children's managers, but oftentimes it can backfire, (remember what happened with Macaulay Culkin?) resulting in a tainted work and personal relationship. Having a momager seemed to work for Usher for a few years until news of a split hit the wire back in May, 2007. No one knows the details surrounding their breakup, but it couldn't have been all that bad because <a href="http://popsugar.com/1850032" >he's rehired her as his manager!</a> </p> <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/32_2008/Usherand_Jason_293050_600.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="outline image preview" width="550" height="365"></span></p> <p>I know my parents would only have <i>my</i> best interests at heart but even so, I'm not so sure it would be a good idea to mix business with family. What about you? Would working with your family members be a good idea or a bad idea? </p> <p><a href="http://www.wireimage.com/" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1850258#comment A Do or a Don't Breakup Career Co-Workers Family Macaulay Culkin Mom Money usher Thu, 07 Aug 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1850258 You Asked: How Do I Listen to My Instincts? http://dearsugar.com/1806990 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/30_2008/stk96356cor.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="320" width="320"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>For some time now, my instincts have been telling me to break up with my boyfriend of one year. For the most part I've been happy, but a couple of months ago it seemed like something changed. And while I'm not sure if he's become different, or if I'm just not willing to tolerate certain things anymore — he can be very harsh and unkind — I know that something in my gut is telling me it's time to get away. </p> <p>Every time I work up my courage to end things, he says something that convinces me I'm wrong and makes me feel incredibly guilty. He always promises to try harder and work on whatever it is that's hurting me but nothing ever changes. How do I fight through the guilt and break up once and for all?</p> <p>— Calling It Quits Callie</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1806990">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1806990#comment Advice Boyfriend Problems Breakup change guilt instinct You Asked Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1806990 Anatomy of a "Fakeup" http://dearsugar.com/1835799 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/6066/31_2008/dv1204015.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="370" width="300"></span>Even if you've never heard the word "fakeup," you've surely witnessed them or maybe even participated in one. Though the fakeup comes in many forms, it's most easily defined as a fake breakup or a breakup that doesn't take.</p> <p>Some couples are repeat fakeup offenders — you know the people I'm talking about. They break up frequently and in very dramatic fashion, but you always know they're going to get back together. (Note: In these cases, it's best not to badmouth the recent ex, since he or she probably won't be an ex for long!)</p> <p>For further insight into faking up, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1835799">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1835799#comment Breakup Ex fakeup Getting Back Together Relationships Mon, 04 Aug 2008 10:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1835799 DearSugar Needs Your Help: Should I Move On or Wait For Him? http://dearsugar.com/1822660 <p>DearSugar and Willing to Wait Whitley need your help. She and her boyfriend broke up because he moved away, but when he recently came back for a visit, it seemed as though nothing changed. They still love each other, so should she wait for him to see if it could possibly work out later down the road, or should she move on with her life?<br /> <span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/31_2008/wait.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="350"></span><br /> Dear Sugar,</p> <p>My boyfriend of two years broke up with me a month ago because he moved to New York to go to optometry school and I live in Vancouver. We knew the long distance would be tough, but he realized that he wasn't able to hold down a relationship with his busy life in a new city. I'm having such a hard time getting over him. It would have been easier if we had broken up because we didn't love each other anymore or if the feelings had changed between us, but we broke up simply because of the circumstance we were in.</p> <p>He returned to Vancouver this week and we hung out twice. Each time we saw each other, it was like nothing had happened and we were still together. There was a ton of physical contact and we exchanged the same smiles; we even ended up kissing. He says he still loves me and I feel the same. I asked him whether there was a chance of us getting back together and he responded saying, "We may if our paths cross again in the future."</p> <p>Now I don't know what to do. I'm just confused. We still love each other but we can't be together at the moment. Should I just move on with my life, or should I wait for him since there might be a possibility of us getting back together? — Willing to Wait Whitley</p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1822660#comment Breakup DearSugar Needs Your Help long distance relationship Waiting Sat, 02 Aug 2008 09:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1822660 Is It a Good Idea to Stay For the Sake of the Kids? http://dearsugar.com/1830263 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/31_2008/80731l2_parker_s_j_b_gr_01wtmk.xlarger.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="300"></span><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1825726" >Kids play a major role in relationships,</a> but as we all know, not all marriages last forever. And though some couples march to the beat of their own drum, I'm not so sure I agree with the notion of staying together for the sake of the kids. Speculation of another celebrity couple, Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick, splitting hit the wire last week. Although this rumor is not yet confirmed, <a href="http://popsugar.com/1829362" >sources say that they aren't in love anymore but are trying to make it work for their son James Wilkie.</a> While I completely understand the importance of kids growing up with two parents, sometimes divorce really is the better option — going through the motions can make it far too easy for kids to get the wrong message. </p> <p>I feel lucky to have married parents that are truly in love, so I can only make an assumption as to what's best. What do you think? Is it a good idea for parents to stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the kids? </p> <p><a href="http://www.bauergriffinonline.com/" target="_blank">Bauer-Griffin Online</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1830263#comment Breakup Divorce Family Kids Matthew Broderick News to Me Relationships sarah jessica parker Fri, 01 Aug 2008 08:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1830263 What Should You Do With the Ring After a Broken Engagement? http://dearsugar.com/1826043 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/31_2008/MattGrant_Gregg_15864751_600.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right outline image preview" width="350"></span>As disheartening as it may be, not all engagements lead to marriage, and it unfortunately seems that being on <a href="http://dearsugar.com/tags/The+Bachelor" >The Bachelor</a> lessens your chances even more. As many of you guessed, last season's Bachelor Matt Grant, who popped the question to actress Shayne Lamas, called off their engagement earlier this week and according to <a href="http://tvwatch.people.com/2008/07/30/bachelor-matt-grant-its-not-cool-to-keep-my-ring/?xid=rss-topheadlines" target="_blank">People.com</a>, the claws are coming out as to what to do with the 2.85-carat Tacori platinum-and-diamond eternity ring she once wore on her left hand. </p> <p>According to the article, she wants to keep it “safe and clean and in a glass box — like a glass slipper” while he thinks she should auction it off for charity so "something good [can] come out of this" — no wonder it didn't work out! While every couple is different, and each breakup is unique, deciding what to do with the ring after the engagement's over is completely circumstantial, although etiquette says the ring should be given back. So what do you think should happen to the ring once an engagement is called off? Who should keep it? Or is Matt right, should it just be sold so a greater cause can reap the benefit? </p> <p><a href="http://wireimage.com/" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1826043#comment Breakup Engagement engagement ring News to Me the bachelor Thu, 31 Jul 2008 11:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1826043 This or That: Broke or Brokenhearted? http://dearsugar.com/1814141 <!-- no strip poll --><div id="epoll-view-1814141"></div><script type="text/javascript">new Ajax.Request('/epoll/view/1814141',{method:'get',onSuccess:function(transport){var epoll=$('epoll-view-1814141');epoll.update(transport.responseText);}});</script><noscript><p><p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/30_2008/stk117385rke.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="right image preview" height="320" width="320"></span>You’ve had a few miserable months at work — you’ve been forced to work late nights and nearly every weekend. It’s taken a huge toll on your energy level and <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1796841" rel="nofollow">your relationship, too.</a> You haven’t been getting along with your boyfriend, and just last week while walking home late at night your wallet was stolen. You’re at your wits end when you get a terrible phone call. Would it be worse if it's . . .</p> <p>This: The bank calling to let you know that someone has removed the majority of the already minimal funds in your account. You canceled the card, but apparently it was too late. Now, you have just $200, which won’t make a dent in your bills this month. </p> <p>Or . . .</p> <p>That: Your boyfriend letting you know that he wants to see other people? You knew things were bad, but you didn’t know just how terrible they were in his mind. When you plead with him, he stands his ground. </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Source</a></p> </p><!-- no strip poll --><form action="/1814141" method="post" id="epoll_view_voting"> <div><div class="poll"> <div class="vote-form"> <div class="choices"><div class="form-item"> <label>This or That: Broke or Brokenhearted? </label> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="0" class="form-radio" /> This — You’re broke and violated. </label> </div> <div class="form-item"> <label class="option"><input type="radio" name="edit[choice]" value="1" class="form-radio" /> That — Your boyfriend’s had enough. </label> </div> </div> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[nid]" id="edit-nid" value="1814141" /> <input type="submit" name="op" value="Vote" class="form-submit" /> </div><input type="hidden" name="edit[form_id]" id="edit-form_id" value="epoll_view_voting" /> </div> </div></form> <!-- no strip poll --></noscript><!-- no strip poll --> http://dearsugar.com/1814141#comment Breakup Money sadness Stress This or That Mon, 28 Jul 2008 16:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1814141 Do Tell: What's the Best Way to Break Up With Someone? http://dearsugar.com/1807838 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/30_2008/breakup_0.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left outline image preview" width="320"></span>Breaking up is hard to do, especially when <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1672981" >you're the one doing it,</a> so finding a way to let him down easy is a must. But is that even possible? Since you obviously cared about this person at one point, sparing him any <a href="http://dearsugar.com/1781906" > embarrassment</a> is crucial. At the same time, it's important to be firm, and make it clear that you no longer want to be in the relationship. I don't know the answer to this one, so do tell, what's the best way to break up with someone? </p> <p><a href="http://www.gettyimages.com" target="_blank">Source</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1807838#comment Breakup Do Tell Feelings Relationships Fri, 25 Jul 2008 10:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1807838 You Asked: I Need Closure http://dearsugar.com/1802909 <p><span class="inline left"><img src="http://images.teamsugar.com/files/upl1/0/3362/30_2008/medfr03468.preview.jpg" alt="" title="" class="left image preview" height="450" width="300"></span>Dear Sugar, </p> <p>For the past few months I had been seeing this great guy. He said and did sweet things for me the entire time we were dating. However, I recently discovered through a text message that he accidentally sent to me, that he's been in contact with another girl. We had already been intimate and it shocked me to find out he was seeing someone else — especially since he denied it early on in our relationship. </p> <p>I was really hurt since he was the first guy I've liked in a long time. I wanted to stay strong and stand my ground, so I confronted him about the text message. He initially denied it, but eventually fessed up. I never got an explanation as to how long his two-timing has been going on or why he decided to see other girls behind my back. Instead, I just stopped talking to him. He kept asking that we meet in person to talk about things. He told me that he truly missed me and wanted to "get past the situation." I agreed to meet with him after a few requests, since I wanted to explain how much he had hurt me.</p> <p>But as soon as I agreed, he became unreliable and difficult to reach. In the end we never talked about it. I'm not sure why, but part of me still wants to tell him how he wronged me. I'm worried that if I told him in a voicemail or email, I'd never hear back from him and only end up feeling foolish. I could really use your advice for some peace of mind.</p> <p>— Bothered Beth</p> <p>To see DearSugar's answer, </p> <p><a href="http://dearsugar.com/1802909">read more</a></p> http://dearsugar.com/1802909#comment Advice Breakup cheating closure Loss You Asked Thu, 24 Jul 2008 17:00:00 -0700 DearSugar http://dearsugar.com/1802909