Dear Sugar,
My boyfriend and I broke up last Saturday after a two and a half year relationship. In the beginning we weren't very compatible, but we somehow made it work. However, a few months ago he broke up with me (out of the blue) and we got back together with the understanding that we could see other people. While he was never interested in doing so, I recently went out on a date with a really sweet guy I had met a few days prior and have a second date lined up next week. I have a few problems — we have the same friends, which will make group events possibly difficult. If I begin to see this guy, or somebody else, I think my ex will be crushed since he was much more upset about the breakup than I was, even though he initiated it. I could see the demise of our relationship coming for the past few months and was able to accept it better than he could. Please help, I'm so confused!
— Moving On Mindy
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Dear Moving On Mindy,
Since your boyfriend was the one who broke up with you and the one who suggested dating other people, you have nothing to feel guilty about. Try not to get too carried away with the what ifs, and concentrate on the present. Sometimes seeing other people is important for you to get some clarity, and it sounds like that was your boyfriend's rational.
You said you could sense the demise of your relationship coming, so are you ready to sever ties with him altogether and just put the relationship behind you? If so, I advise you to be honest with him about your feelings. If you are simply having fun getting attention from other men but plan on working things out, be aware of how this will affect him and your relationship in the future — you don't want to do anything that will only make matters worse down the road. I hope you both find what you're looking for, and good luck to you.
I don't get it. HE broke up with YOU out of the blue but he's more upset about the breakup than you are? It sounds to me like he's messing with your head. And that he doesn't know what he wants.
It sounds to me, since you saw the demise coming, that you should move on. He's making you feel guilty and he has no right. If it were me I'd sever ties with him until my head clears.