I'm actually very at home with playing Susie Homemaker as far as cooking and cleaning goes, but I already told my boyfriend that if we have kids, someone has to stay home to raise them and it ain't gonna be me.

Well how did they eat BEFORE they got married? Hello! He knew she didn't eat meat for a reason, so just because there is a ring on her finger she has to give up her values? No.

I think the grandparents are just old fashioned in the way they are thinking. When a couple gets married, I am sure they have worked out a compromise in all aspects of their relationship, including food.

it all boils down to how much you care for each other....all about compromises...me and my husband we go out of our ways to make each other happy. i.e chores/duties or whatever a married life requires. its not right to set rules/duties for each gender
if i do the dishes he pitches in to do the vacuming

I love cooking but I hate doing dishes. So I cook and my boyfriend cleans up after. We share the majority of other chores - he does the laundry, I vaccum. It works out. I know that if I did everything housework-wise, I'd feel taken advantage of and I told him that from the beginning so he knew what he was getting into.

My mom has always been one of those women that follow society to a "T", so when I got married she tried to tell me the "proper" way of being a wife...oh, it irked me so bad. It especially bothered me because she has never been married (I was a foster child) and I don't rely on her era of society. Ugh.

I believe that everyone has the freedom to make choices - if what makes you happy is staying home to clean the house, cook meals, and be a mother...than do it! If your desires are to head to work and be the next Donald Trump - so be it. Either way - we are shaping the world and making choices that suit our needs. I believe in compromise in any relationship - if it makes you happy to make your Lovie happy by cooking them dinner - go for it!

I'm with boxem180 - I don't mind cooking whatsoever, but I seriously hate cleaning the kitchen and doing the dishes. So my husband does that. We both do the vacuuming, the basic cleaning and dusting, the laundry, all that stuff. Although, honestly, he's usually better about that than I am.

But, on the other hand, I'm anal retentive about organization, so that tends to fall to me. I hate to clean, but I've made a consciencious effort to make sure that he doesn't do everything. We usually grocery shop together and if we're doing a home improvement project, I try to make sure I play an active part in that as well.

We're pretty good about making sure that we're on equal footing around the house.

I think that if you are in relationship where EITHER person has to compromise there integrity or beliefs, that is not a good relationship.

My bf cooks--that is not a traditional but it works for me!

Yeah, but look at how many women of that time were closet alcoholics, pill-poopers, drug addicts because of those damaging steriotypes and social demands. See, This IS how Amphetamines became popular post-WWII: they could stay skinny, be the PERFECT housewife and keep up with the kids while never sleeping b/c they were up all night cleaning and cooking! And it couldn't be bad for you, because the doctor prescribed them, and never mind if your teeth go bad before you are 50, if your nerves are shot and you become paranoid... YOU are a feminine pillar of the church, school and community!

I think in every relationship there is compromise. That doesn't mean splitting every chore 50/50, but overall for my husband and I things are pretty even (we both cook, clean, and grocery shop...but I do all of the laundry and ironing and he takes cares of the lawn and snowblowing).

My parents and grandparents never raised me to believe in gender roles; instead they encouraged me to reach for the stars and find a husband that believed in egalitarianism. So I've never felt any pressure or expectation from my family to be some kind of suzy homemaker. Quite the opposite in fact...

Relationships (successsful ones anyway) are about compromise on the parts of both individuals. Right now, I'm a full-time student and I'm not working, so my soon-to-be husband (who I live with) is making all the money and sometimes it makes me feel like I'm living in the old days, letting a man take care of me. But it's really not that way since I'm in college to be a teacher and will have a career in the future. The only issues I've had with gender roles are from his mother because she thinks I'm waiting too long to have children. I'm 21 now and I want to wait at least another 7 to 8 years before kids. She believes that when two people get married, they should have kids right after and we're getting married in a year and a half.

though I did have an elderly great aunt tell me that college was a good "backup plan" is case being married didn't work out or I didn't find a man....

My boyfriend does almost all of the cooking, and we share all other household tasks. Whoever has the time and motivation takes care of it. However, my mom and dad inhabit the "typical" roles of husband and wife, but that arrangement never made much sense to me. My mom will sometimes say some old-fashioned stuff about how a man/woman should be/act, and it makes me see red everytime. Argggg!! I also get some interesting reactions from people when I express that fact that I never want children and don't really care for them that much. It is as if they cannot possibly conceive that my interests lie outside of motherhood. I don't critisize them for their choice to produce more resource eaters!!

We don't necessarily conform to gender roles, we just do what works for us. There's nothing like, oh laundry is for girls to do, we just work together as a team. I think it's great for our son to witness. He helps both of us with the chores, so it's not like he's just helping Daddy with the "boy" chores.

I think men and women should take equal participation in these things. If I marry my boyfriend, he is going to be the one making dinner b/c as a teacher, he arrives home three hours before I do and when I get home it's too late to start making a nice meal. I think I'm going to have to teach him to cook, but there is plenty of time for that. Same with household chores. Pick up after yourself. Help each other out when it's cleaning day.

I am of the mind that i would like to (at some time in the distant future) be a stay-at-home mom and then i would be happy to do a lot of the cooking and cleaning and that kind of thing while my husband is off at work. But when i first get married and am continuing to work, i whole-heartedly believe that both men and women should take part in the cooking and cleaning and all household chores. None of this "gender role" stuff should be happening. I am a firm believer in equal participation.

My boyfriend and I split up the chores, and it turns out it was somewhat along typical gender roles. It bugs me a little, but we each picked what we wanted and that's how it turned out.

I'm not so "new-fashioned" that I want to switch household chores just to go against gender roles!

As for staying home with the future kids, who knows. I guess it's a decision I'll address when the time comes. It seems impossible to know how I'll feel.

I grew up in a household where my parents split all of the chores- cooking, dishes, taking care of the kids, yard work... if something had to be done, the first one with the time to do it did it, with no concern for gender roles. It is funny to me, then, that I really enjoy taking on a more of a "traditional woman's" role- I love to cook, and I absolutely love to clean- I find scrubbing things gets my stress out, and I really wouldn't like it if I wasn't able to do the cleaning. My mother thinks I'm crazy!

My boyfriend and I had a discussion during which we made a basic breakdown of household chores that needed doing and then took turns choosing and dividing them up. I think this method worked very well for us, as we could compromise on things we either liked to do or didn't like to do. For example, since he enjoys cooking so much (and is so much better at it than I am!) he does that and I take care of the dishes afterwards. I think discussion and compromise can bring balance to any relationship in regards to this topic and to many other topics as well.

My mom and maternal grandma are always telling me to be more of a lady and be very gentle so my bf will think of me as a girl and not another person.

On another note, my bf knows that I am very much into being even and not putting eachother into stereotypes. We divy up each chore so there is no gender bias. I do cook more often than him, but only because he is a bad cook. We both agree that compromising is the best because we are both in school and working.

Gender roles have definitely changed from what they were 50 years ago. In our family, everyone pitches in around the house. Even my 2-year old son is eager to help with chores.

In basics, it's the same. He goes to work and earns money to support the family. I stay at home and raise the children. However, we both don't view those roles as each others' "duties" or "responsibilities." We rarely say, "That's YOUR job, I'm not going to do it..." We pitch in to help the other person whereever we need it.

For example, I usually vacuum, but since I became pregnant, he has taken over the vaccuming, even though he doesn't like to do it. I take care of making his lunches for work, even though I could tell him that he can just take of it himself.

We manage to find a good balance in our relationship, and I think that's the important thing.

Hy husband and I have reversed roles. He cooks and cleans and I pay the bills and plan everything. I'm pretty much the boss and that's just the way it is. I like it that way and I think he does too.

I hate when people assume that just because I am a girl, I am going to be good at "home stuff" or with kids. That really offends me. I do like cleaning sometimes just because I am a perfectionist and have to have everything in order and dirty stuff/house is gross, lol, but I do not like dealing with kids to much and I don't ever want to have kids (haha baconrainbow, I like what you said about kids, I get the same reaction from people!! grr!). When someone just expects me to do something that is a typical "girl thing to do" sometimes I will refuse to do it, especially if the person that expected it is a guy, yes I might be stubborn, but I think that it is pretty rude to just expect something out of anyone. Everyone should do whatever they want to do, whether they like doing the housewife thing or whether they don't.

We just divide things up - but sort of naturally. I love to cook so he washes the dishes. I 'see' the dirt more than he does, so it's up to me to suggest we set aside some cleaning time. I hate to scrub the bathroom so he does that. We do the laundry and grocery shopping together most of the tim.

There is nothing wrong with having the roles switched, and there is nothing wrong with having the roles be "traditional." I don't mind cooking and cleaning up after I do so, but I DO expect help when it comes to the rest of the house. My boyfriend is more than happy to help. In regards to not cooking meat - I was a vegetarian for 4 years, but I still REALIZED that most people aren't, and I NEVER forced my eating habits or beliefs on them. Although, I would make all-vegetarian meals, I didn't hesitate to make meals with meat in it for my boyfriend or others at dinner parties. He's not a vegetarian, never would want to be, and I understand that. I think it's wrong to force your beliefs on others, no matter the circumstance. Branch out.

I don't think she will end up her values if her husband really craves for a steak, and she ends up cooking it!!! If she can't stand cooking meat also, her husband must know how to turn on the stove and do it for himself... I do agree with LOVAAJN no one should force each others eating habits, specially when they are starting a couple life.

And in matter of gender roles, we as women are making the difference as we are getting paid as equally as men professionally ... It must be the same as in the house... my boyfriend, we have been living together for a year, is most of the time cooking, because his mother was a chef, and he enjoys being at the kitchen. I do sometimes cook, but he accepts when his breakfast is a little overcooked... or sometimes even burned... we try to help each other to make things easier, and If I do the dishes, he will do our bed!

I'm actually more comfortable in gender roles. I would not be comfortable with earning more money than my husband or having to boss him around. My homefront is cooking, the occasional cleaning (if I have to, I'm good at it), and definitely kids. I work in a daycare. Kids are my forte.

Have you had experience with people trying to force [gender roles] on you?

I think every woman has. I think many women experience or witness some level of misogyny at least once a day. It comes in the most discreet forms. Advertising, being one of them.

How do you deal and cope with the pressures of wearing the female/caregiver hat all the time?

I think the simple answer is "Don't." Don't succumb to society's gender roles. Live your own life, on your own terms. -And if at the end of the day you chose to be a housewife, if it truly brings you fulfilment... more power to you.

We are a completely different generation then the Susie Homemaker generation.

I think a lot of it is- life used to be affordable and people lived a little bit more humbly then we do now. Don't get me wrong, I love my lifestlye! I just won't give up my pricey prize possesions to live off of my husbands income alone in a smaller house with les furniture and generic food. That's not my idea of a happy ending- kids or not.

It is definately a compromise situation. If he has a successful job and makes a good salary but also tells you that he would rather you stay home than have to work (since he makes all the money) and you agree, i think that is fine. right now i am a full time college student, living with my boyfriend who makes a very good (6 figure) salary. I dont have a job but i cook, clean, and do all the other chores and "housemaker" type things. I really don't mind it because If i did have to have a job i would be stressed out and pulling my hair out. I have enough things to deal with right now with school and am happy with my situation. My boyfriend and I have talked about when we get married what our roles will be. He is completely content with making all the dough and I'm fine with it also. When we have kids i want to stay at home and take care of them. I want to decorate the house and clean all day. I love that.

i'm old fashioned. i expect to be taken care of (not in the gold-digger way, but you need to have a JOB and be a leader so to speak), so i guess that's bad huh? me being nigerian also has NOTHING to do with that (sike)

Gender roles are crap. I can't believe that people still think that way or that it comes up so often. Probably happens to me more often because I work in a profession dominated historically by men.

One time a guy friend asked me if I could sew something for him because, since I liked to bake, I clearly must know all homey things and could sew. My Mom hates the fact that I only want one child and don't want to be a baby factory. I never want to stay at home and take care of the kids, I'd be bored out of my mind. Women have choices now.