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Do Tell: How Important Is Sex to You in a Relationship?

Sun, 11/23/2008 - 10:00am by DearSugar
3,697 Views - 56 comments

When in a relationship, some people adore sex. They think about it often, have it a lot, and are into trying new toys, positions, and places to make it better. Then there are other people in relationships who aren't that interested in getting it on. They rarely crave that kind of intimacy, and could have sex once a month (or less) and feel completely satisfied. So where do you fall in the spectrum? Is sex really important to you when you're in a relationship, or are there other ways you two prefer to celebrate your connection?

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56 Comments Add a Comment

  • LoveSarah's picture
    LoveSarah
    1

    Well, we love to have sex, but with busy schedules and lots of stress it doesn't happen as much as it used to, but we still try to do it a couple of times a week. (:

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Seka21's picture
    Seka21
    2

    I never understood how sex before marriage works asi believe sex is a v.important connection. I feel like it can reveal alot about your relationship!

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • ThePerfectScore's picture
    ThePerfectScore
    3

    I think being sexually compatible is an integral part of a relationship. The physical is just as important as the emotional. A healthy relationship has good standing in both areas. This is one of the reasons why I don't believing in saving oneself for marriage, because its good to have relative idea of how the two peoples sexual needs and styles mesh together. Human beings are sexual beings and it's just part of our biology. If sex wasn't important we wouldn't be such a hormone driven species....

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • juicebox07's picture
    juicebox07
    4

    My bf and I only do it about two or three times a month. I'm fine with that. Right now we're taking a break until January though (for a physical reason). I don't know how we'll last.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • jkatie's picture
    jkatie
    5

    its not too important 3-4 times a month my boyfriend would be happy with more but is cool without it

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • queenlizzie's picture
    queenlizzie
    6

    I'd say 2-3 times a month is fair for us. We've been together 5 years, and this has been pretty standard since the honeymoon period ended. We're both pretty much fine with it, though sometimes I'd like more.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • meeshee's picture
    meeshee
    7

    i find it EXTREMELY important. my boyfriend and i are in a long distance relationship, so when we DO see each other, we need to do it a LOT! however, this past time we were together, he never wanted to have it!! i think i need to ask dear sugar if that's normal Sad...

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • gemsera's picture
    gemsera
    8

    We try to have sex a few times a week, my beau would like more but is happy the way it is. We are both too tired during the week, but the weekends are spent in each others arms as much as possible. I think it is normal for some couples as long as you are happy go for it as much or as little as you like Smiling

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Shopaholichunny's picture
    Shopaholichunny
    9

    Like Meeshee my boyfriend and I have to deal with being in a long-distance relationship because of his job. (USMC) When we do see each other we constantly love to have sex to make up for lost time! Thumbs up He's coming home in about 3 weeks after 3 1/2 months of being gone so we will definately be busy that first week. Eye-wink

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • acyl's picture
    acyl
    10

    Yes, it's pretty important. My bf and I have been together for 6 years and we're still at about 3+ times a week. 'Course my man's a dog about it but it's kinda cute and endearing. At least I know he's still crazy about me!
    But yeah, sex is stress-relief, and a time to have fun and relax with one another!

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • busybeegal's picture
    busybeegal
    11

    Honestly, if I never did it again it wouldn't matter to me. And not cause DH is bad at it, it's just TOTALLY unimportant to me. Still, I accommodate him - but it's absolutely not necessary for me.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Myst's picture
    Myst
    12

    super important to me as I think you need a physical connect as well as the emotional connection. Just my take on it.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • princess_eab's picture
    princess_eab
    13

    I learned from experience that it's extremely important to your bond. Not because I'm shallow, but because I had a long-term relationship that partially failed because desire left. I'm committed to daily sex in future relationships. Very seriously so.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • sparklestar's picture
    sparklestar
    14

    It is incredibly important! If a guy I was with was /bad/ in bed then it would be a deal breaker. I /need/ sex at least 2-3 times a week which I think is pretty normal given I am young and healthy?!

    Why waste your best years on somebody who is bad in bed...?

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • heartbreakerx62x's picture
    heartbreakerx62x
    15

    If my relationship had no sex at all it would still be absolutely wonderful! The good sex is just the cherry on top, and since we are going to be ending a LDR next month, we can't wait to finally be able to be intimate with each other as often as possible! I feel like this will be opening a whole new chapter in our sex lives!

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • cmcgra20's picture
    cmcgra20
    16

    I agree with you princess-eab, I've had an otherwise wonderful relationship fail because sex wasn't a priority and we became more like friends. It was something that eventually couldn't be repaired. Luckily my current bf and I don't have that problem, and I couldn't be happier!

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • khadeekiinsz's picture
    khadeekiinsz
    17

    In a relationship, having desire for each other is a good, healthy thing. It works differently for different people, but sex is pretty amazing if its with someone you love.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • bluepuppybites's picture
    bluepuppybites
    18

    When I first met my husband, I had a pact with myself not to have sex with anyone else unless we loved each other. Some people would think that sounds silly, but I was tired of sleeping around and not being with anyone. So we waited until we knew we loved one another. It was amazing.
    Now when sex wasn't a part of our relationship a year after we were married because of my depression and the medication I was taking for it, well our relationship was dull and boring. I stopped taking the medicine for this reason. I just didn't feel any desire to be with my husband, I was tired all the time and just wanted to sleep. Now because I have stopped taking the medicine I am happier the lust is there and I even get butterflies again. Sex is healthy.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Muirnea's picture
    Muirnea
    19

    I think sex is pretty important. My bf and I have sex prob. a couple times a week. When there isn't any passion/sex in a relationship I end up feeling not wanted. People act like looks don't matter too, and it's all about personality, but that just isn't true. You have to be physically attracted to someone to like them for the most part. Sex is the same...to me at least.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • missangelique999's picture
    missangelique999
    20

    I think it's an important, healthy part of a relationship, but I think it's a little more important in the beginning, and also happens more often in the beginning. It seems like when a relationship is new and exciting you can't get enough of it and then you get comfortable and it's kind of like old hat. I guess that's why people need to try different things to get that spark back into their bedroom-life.
    I've been in three serious relationships(4 years, 5 years, 1.5 years) and they all had one thing in common: they wanted it every day. After awhile, it was a few times a week, and then maybe once a week. But it never seemed to lessen from once a week unless someone was sick or pissed off. Which reminds me, on another note, never use sex as a weapon!!

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • bengalspice's picture
    bengalspice
    21

    Really important ... it's way up there on my list of things to do in a relationship Sticking out tongue

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • kythera's picture
    kythera
    23

    Sex used to be really important when I was single, I usually made the first moves. I never had sex with a lot of guys, but I had a lot of fun. Luckily I had great sex partners that loved to please me. My husband isn't like them though (sex-driven), he is 33 and is pretty mature about it. We have sex about 2-3x a week. I think it shouldn't be the first thing in a relationship, but you also should be compatible in bed with him before you get settled in with him. And of course, having unprotected sex (imho) means that you don't take your health or life seriously. If sex is at all important, you need to protect yourself.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • bekkachan's picture
    bekkachan
    24

    It's so important to me. I feel like I get a certain connection with him from it that I can't get from anything else, and it reassures me that he still finds me attractive and loves me in a way that PROVES it to me in more than just words. That said, it has dropped from 2-3 times a week (which I can deal with, but STILL lower than before and how much I actually want it) to maybe 2 times a MONTH. I'm starting to get really, really, really worried... I'm starting to get worried that what happened to cmcgra and princess_eab will happen to me...Sad

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • wildsngrny's picture
    wildsngrny
    25

    I agree with GlowingMoon: sex is super-important. Married or not, I need to have sex with my man. Otherwise, he'd just be a friend, and that's not what I'm looking for from him! Eye-wink

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • missbrandy's picture
    missbrandy
    27

    Sex should be enjoyable. And if his penis is really really small, it won't be enjoyable. Period.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • oohsexypenguin's picture
    oohsexypenguin
    28

    I knew I would never wait till marriage to have sex - sexual compatibly is extremely important to me, and in order to maintain a functional and fulfilling relationship, I believe an active sex life w/ your significant other is crucial.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Meike's picture
    Meike
    29

    Very important in my relationship with my husband. Sex isn't always just for physical pleasure between us. It's also for the spiritual intimacy and connection. Sex feels good on so many levels and I would not mind continuing to have it as frequently as we do into our old age.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • jodie_ohlala's picture
    jodie_ohlala
    30

    I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we used to have sex several times a week, but with in the past 8 months, it's been about once a month. It's so sad, but I don't really make an effort to change it.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • sardonic lolita's picture
    sardonic lolita
    31

    Sex is a VERY important variable in a relationship for me-- I cannot be comfortable in a relationship with someone who isn't comfortable with sex. My boyfriend and I live together and have sex at least once a day, normally right before we go to bed. If I'm on my period, we go for alternatives. I love the intimacy and how closely connected we are during intercourse.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • KibzeeLovee's picture
    KibzeeLovee
    32

    very important! it's also fun and good for your health. i'm in a long distance relationship so when we see eachother we can't get enough. when we are living in the same place, it's usually at least 3 times a week. i can't wait to go home for thanksgiving this week:)

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Autumns_Elegy's picture
    Autumns_Elegy
    33

    I love sex, mostly because of the intimacy involved.

    But it's not the most important thing in the world. If I don't have it my life isn't over, my libido just gets the cold shoulder for a little while. No biggie.

    I'm not going to say how often my partner and I go at it, but it's not the most important thing in our relationship but I feel that it helps keep us close and connected (when are you more vulnerable then when your nomping?) and in tune with each other.

    That said. It is important to be comfortable having sex with someone, and a lady must be satisfied. I once slept with someone who I just didn't do it for me, needless to say the relationship went under.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Chrstne's picture
    Chrstne
    34

    Verrrry important - I have told this to the BF, and he accuses me of just "wanting the d*ck" and nothing more. Suffice it to say, we hardly have sex unless we are drunk -- which I make a point to be pretty often, because that seems to be the only way to get some lovin'. I have given up on telling him that sex is important. He says he WANTS to have sex with me -- yet, he never does.

    I guess sex is quitely important, but not important enough to keep ranting and raving about it.

    Nowadays when we do have sex, and we are drunk, it makes me feel a lot worse. I don't really enjoy sex anymore.

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Lovely_1's picture
    Lovely_1
    35

    I love sex lol, so it's pretty important to me in a relationship. Not only that, it helps me relieve stress and puts me in a better mood.

    With my ex, we didn't have sex that often...and I was WAY moodier and always thought it was weird. But with my current man...woooohooo! Lol, him and I connect so well in bed it's amazing!

    6 weeks 4 days ago Report Comment
  • Hiding55's picture
    Hiding55
    36

    Good sex on a regular basis is a must for me. I love being close and intimate and feeling connected with my bf. The sex is absolutely fantastic and I just love to be completely intertwined with him body and mind. Another one of my favorite activities besides sex is just cuddling up on the couch and watching tv or a movie. I just love being close to him.

    6 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • AlexE70's picture
    AlexE70
    37

    Sex is essential in any relationship. Great sex, however, is what takes a relationship from the casual bf/gf to something a bit more intimate and special. Like a connecting of souls, sharing a moment on a regular basis. There's absolutely nothing like it! Placing the importance of sex on the relationship any lower than 2nd is a farce.

    6 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • psterling's picture
    psterling
    39

    I love my husband more than anything in the world, but the sex isn't the top priority for us. Its fun, I like it, we do it 3-4 times a month but we find other aspects of our relationship more important. Of course, if the sex disappeared that would not be ok.

    6 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • talanted08's picture
    talanted08
    40

    I Love having that moment to remember the next day when I'm at work but I don't know how I would react if I didn't have it. My husband and I make Love at least 4x's a week! Which include quickie's before work or when we get settled in from working all day! We save the romance for the weekend unless we catch a break during the week! I don't think it's the most important thing in a relationship but it is needed.

    6 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • cheekyredhead's picture
    cheekyredhead
    41

    First marriage it was mechanical and the same EVERY time. I had grown up with the thought that it was simply for the enjoyment of the husband and to reproduce. It never occurred to me that I was supposed to enjoy it at all.

    Second marriage...it was a nightly duty. ARGH...but I learned that I would not make this same mistake again.

    Between second and my third final marriage I learned "how things worked" with my body. A great friend invited me to a "toy" party.

    Final third marriage...WOW! I am making up for lost time! Many of you cannot imagine a woman not having the "BIG O" for the first 40 years of her life...but that was how it was with me. Once I learned that mutual enjoyment was the ultimate goal...OMG. My husband and I have been enjoying the journey of finding the many ways to "get me there" and what can I say..."Wow" just does not seem to really describe it.

    Ultimately I think that we have to be brutally honest about what our needs are, unafraid to voice them, be willing to try things that may seem unconventional, and have a partner equally interested in the ultimate goal which is never one-sided.

    I think that if your guy loves leather then you wear it...if you like wearing kinky shoes then you should do that...if you both enjoy dancing...then dance. No topic should be out-of-bounds. Too many of us deny those little things we secretly dream about but do not share. A partner really interested in YOU will want to know those things and will share as well.

    Frequency is not as important as quality. I believe it is a wonderful gift that our bedroom is at the opposite side of the house from our teenagers.

    Married now for several years to a magnificent and talented man we still act like newly weds and make efforts to make memorable moments both in and out of the bedroom. Invest in locks...teenagers will just walk in...and nothing is as embarrassing as your 15 year old daughter finding your toy bag or your private dress-up clothes.

    Be honest about your needs and expect the same honesty in return. Anything less and you are "settling" for less than you need and that is never a good thing.

    6 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • xopiperxo's picture
    xopiperxo
    42

    i think it is very important. besides, i couldn't live without it Eye-wink hahaha

    6 weeks 3 days ago Report Comment
  • havok636's picture
    havok636
    43

    pretty important. i have a pretty high sex drive.
    in fact, my boyfriend and i started out as friends with benefits. that lasted a good six months before we realized that we loved each other. sadly the amount of sex has gone down considerably Sad